so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
