How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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