addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
