Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
