I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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