Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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