the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
