I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
