Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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