i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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