At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
