Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
