I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
