She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
