He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
