How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
