remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
