This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize