why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
