If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
