And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
