the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
