what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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