dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Iโm not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless itโs rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize