omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
