We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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