Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
