Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
