there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
