He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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