After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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