Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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