The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have tasted many bathrooms
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
