my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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