if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
