I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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