Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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