in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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