No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We named our party play list daddy issues
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
