I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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