So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
