you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
