Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
