I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
