you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
