not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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