i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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