thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
