Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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