I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
