whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
