If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Someone came in the potted fern
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
