I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
