I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
