Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Randomize
