yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize