Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
