WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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