he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You did what with his pubic hair?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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