I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
