Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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