I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
