And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Bring me that man meat
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
