dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
