The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
