Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
