I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
