dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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