I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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