i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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