I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
