I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize