i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
